"it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along." ~R.S.
Yesterday, I ventured over to the corner of the living room that had the former contents of my trunk. I stare at it on a daily basis but have avoided going over there for as long as possible. When looking in the crate that holds my emergency car supplies, I found the lunch that I had made on the day of the accident (gross! Probably going to have to recycle the container). Down in the middle of the crate, I found a red piece of plastic. It was a symbolic piece of plastic because it was formerly part of my car's right rear tail light. It must have flown into the trunk and landed in the car on impact. I stared at it for awhile and had a few flashbacks of that day. Then I decided what to do with it. The next time that I am at the craft store, I am going to buy a shadowbox for that piece of plastic and frame it with a meaningful quote. It will serve as a reminder that life doesn't always turn out the way I plan, to take things one day at a time and to treasure each moment that I have...even the bad ones.
"Life has many ways of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once." ~P.C.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
"Just because this isn't in your Life Plan doesn't mean this isn't exactly where you are supposed to be." ~A23
I haven't posted in awhile because I just haven't felt up to typing lately and couldn't get my thoughts cohesive enough to post.
Some days it amazes me how much someone else's decison can impact your life in a split second. I've always been told when walking out the door to "be careful." But I have learned that it doesn't matter how careful you are, sometimes someone else NOT being careful can turn your life upside down.
I have ALWAYS been a planner, since I was just a little girl. For me, it has always worked best to have a goal to work towards and to stick to it until I have reached that goal. Bachelor's degree, Master's degree, occupation-specific certifications, marriage, child(ren), etc. I have an idea in my head of what I want to do with my life and I work until I reach my goals.
But what I have learned from this car accident is that all the planning in the world can be completely irrelevant in just an instant. I loved the Life Plan that I had made for myself but now I have to re-group. And what I am finding is that I want to enjoy each day more and plan less. But my status quo is to plan.
But I want to practice mindfulness, enjoy the moments as they happen and take life one day at a time because I know that this moment is all we really have. It's a constant internal struggle for me- wanting to plan but also wanting to go with the flow. I know that if I were to take things one day at a time that I would worry less and enjoy life more because I would be making more memories in the moment and less plans for future potential memories. I would also have less conflict over my decisions (I tend to make a Pro/Con list for everything and then second guess my decisions). It's like I am always waiting for my life to start, for it to be what I envision it to be. But this isn't a dress rehearsal. And you don't get a do-over.
My New Year's Resolution was actually to take life one day at a time,go with the flow and not be a planner anymore. But I was secretly still planning what I wanted to accomplish and do this year. And in a way, I see my accident as being a reminder of that. It may sound far-fetched to others but to me I see my accident as a wake-up call to me. It was as though my past literally gave me a slap in the face to start making changes to my life more in keeping with my New Year's Resolution. I say that because the vehicle that hit me was a make and model that I had always dreamed of having but never got. I was hit on the way to work going in a literal direction that was the opposite of where I really want to be. And the literal impact had a physical and emotional impact on my life that erased all of the plans I had scheduled for the past few months. Does it sound weird and unlikely? Yes. Was it just a random accident caused by someone else's actions? Possibly. But does it make perfect sense to me? Absolutely.
I have also learned quite a bit about who my true friends are...but that will be another post.
So now I find myself at a crossroads. And while my instinct is to make a new map for the course I want to set for myself (i.e. re-group and re-do my plans), a greater part of my wants to just throw caution to the wind and see what happens. I really hope I can do that because planning often makes me feel very overwhelmed. I'd say I could make taking one day at a time my summer goal, but that would kind of defeat the purpose. ;)
"What's meant to be will always find a way." ~T.Y.
Some days it amazes me how much someone else's decison can impact your life in a split second. I've always been told when walking out the door to "be careful." But I have learned that it doesn't matter how careful you are, sometimes someone else NOT being careful can turn your life upside down.
I have ALWAYS been a planner, since I was just a little girl. For me, it has always worked best to have a goal to work towards and to stick to it until I have reached that goal. Bachelor's degree, Master's degree, occupation-specific certifications, marriage, child(ren), etc. I have an idea in my head of what I want to do with my life and I work until I reach my goals.
But what I have learned from this car accident is that all the planning in the world can be completely irrelevant in just an instant. I loved the Life Plan that I had made for myself but now I have to re-group. And what I am finding is that I want to enjoy each day more and plan less. But my status quo is to plan.
But I want to practice mindfulness, enjoy the moments as they happen and take life one day at a time because I know that this moment is all we really have. It's a constant internal struggle for me- wanting to plan but also wanting to go with the flow. I know that if I were to take things one day at a time that I would worry less and enjoy life more because I would be making more memories in the moment and less plans for future potential memories. I would also have less conflict over my decisions (I tend to make a Pro/Con list for everything and then second guess my decisions). It's like I am always waiting for my life to start, for it to be what I envision it to be. But this isn't a dress rehearsal. And you don't get a do-over.
My New Year's Resolution was actually to take life one day at a time,go with the flow and not be a planner anymore. But I was secretly still planning what I wanted to accomplish and do this year. And in a way, I see my accident as being a reminder of that. It may sound far-fetched to others but to me I see my accident as a wake-up call to me. It was as though my past literally gave me a slap in the face to start making changes to my life more in keeping with my New Year's Resolution. I say that because the vehicle that hit me was a make and model that I had always dreamed of having but never got. I was hit on the way to work going in a literal direction that was the opposite of where I really want to be. And the literal impact had a physical and emotional impact on my life that erased all of the plans I had scheduled for the past few months. Does it sound weird and unlikely? Yes. Was it just a random accident caused by someone else's actions? Possibly. But does it make perfect sense to me? Absolutely.
I have also learned quite a bit about who my true friends are...but that will be another post.
So now I find myself at a crossroads. And while my instinct is to make a new map for the course I want to set for myself (i.e. re-group and re-do my plans), a greater part of my wants to just throw caution to the wind and see what happens. I really hope I can do that because planning often makes me feel very overwhelmed. I'd say I could make taking one day at a time my summer goal, but that would kind of defeat the purpose. ;)
"What's meant to be will always find a way." ~T.Y.
Friday, June 1, 2012
"Lost time is never found again." ~BF
June 1st...three months to the day since my accident. Ironically, our doorbell rang this morning around 7:42 which is around the time that I was hit three months ago (they had the wrong address). Further irony is the song that was on the radio at the time of my accident three months ago ("It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright sunshine-y day"...BOOM!) Sadly, there hasn't been much sunshine since then.
I went to the neuro yesterday and my shoulders and upper back felt better after I left, at least for a little while. My neuro apologized yesterday for my recovery taking so long but reminded me "you were hit HARD!" I'm still on a weekly visit schedule so we shall see what next week brings. Hopefully now that it has been 3 months things will progress more. Here's hoping! I really don't want an entire summer of not being able to do anything. Choosing to not do anything is one thing but HAVING to not do anything is something entirely different.
My mom took me to my appointment yesterday and on the way home we stopped to fill the car up with gas. Her car was in the shop so she was driving my grandfather's car. It was very nostalgic and sad to ride in it because to me it still smells like him inside. I had to look at the manual for some info on the type of gas to put in it and inside the glove compartment were several toothpicks. It reminded me of how my grandfather was never without a toothpick. We stopped at the gas station across from my old elementary school, which added to the nostalgia. It reminded me of how much I would love to work at that particular school. I have so many childhood memories there and would love to give back to the students who are there now. I am seriously going to contact the person in charge of my particular department for that county to ask them to let me know if an opening ever becomes available there.
You just never know...
I can't think of anything else to type so that's all for now!
I went to the neuro yesterday and my shoulders and upper back felt better after I left, at least for a little while. My neuro apologized yesterday for my recovery taking so long but reminded me "you were hit HARD!" I'm still on a weekly visit schedule so we shall see what next week brings. Hopefully now that it has been 3 months things will progress more. Here's hoping! I really don't want an entire summer of not being able to do anything. Choosing to not do anything is one thing but HAVING to not do anything is something entirely different.
My mom took me to my appointment yesterday and on the way home we stopped to fill the car up with gas. Her car was in the shop so she was driving my grandfather's car. It was very nostalgic and sad to ride in it because to me it still smells like him inside. I had to look at the manual for some info on the type of gas to put in it and inside the glove compartment were several toothpicks. It reminded me of how my grandfather was never without a toothpick. We stopped at the gas station across from my old elementary school, which added to the nostalgia. It reminded me of how much I would love to work at that particular school. I have so many childhood memories there and would love to give back to the students who are there now. I am seriously going to contact the person in charge of my particular department for that county to ask them to let me know if an opening ever becomes available there.
You just never know...
I can't think of anything else to type so that's all for now!
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