Quick update: At my doctor's appointments in the past few weeks, I have been released back to work (effective today but don't actually have to be at work until next week) and told that I could get a massage if I would like and am cleared for yoga and/or pilates. Now I just need the motivation to do those things!
So now that the medical update is done...
I have noticed lately that when I have sinus issues it makes the vertigo return. My doctor put me on meds for a sinus infection a few weeks ago and I felt off-balance in my head again. I am hoping that by staying on top of things, I won't get as many sinus infections when I am back at work as I usually do. My netipot shall become my best friend. :)
I have also been having a lot of the thinking-one-thing-and-saying-another episodes the past few days. It's like my brain gets foggy and I can't get the right words to come out. It is usually something close to the word I am thinking but is always in the wrong context. Could be related to the sinus vertigo or could just be from stress. I also have a lot of anxiety about returning to work. Some is related to co-workers, some is related to worrying that I won't be as good as I once was and some is just related to having to drive somewhere every day again! I am trying to do as much as I can ahead of time while I have the option to rest in between. It's hard to put a bulletin board together at home, though!
I also noticed yesterday that being out on the lake also makes the vertigo return. It was windy yesterday so the boat was rocking more than usual. My husband also turned the boat quickly a few times, which did not make my vestibular system happy. I asked him to make slow turns in the future so hopefully he will remember! I have also found that I can only sit in the seat for so long before my neck hurts. I really enjoy being out on the lake so I hope it doesn't always make me feel bad!
I still have the cervical pain on the right upper side of my neck regularly. I have also been having the thoracic pain when I first get out of bed. I started sleeping on the fancy pillow again and that actually seems to be helping. It's supposed to be like a cloud that supports your head and neck. I like sleeping on my regular pillows better but I will do what I have to do to make mornings more pleasant!
Since I will be going back to work, updates will probably be even further apart...but I will try to update as much as I can! I still have silver linings to write about...and a few touches of grey...
Monday, August 6, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all about it...
I read...(drumroll please)......a BOOK! Yes, you read that correctly and no, I am not crazy (or not any more so than usual ;) ).
Yesterday, I decided to take the plunge and try to read a book. Since the accident, I have been unable to read without having a splitting headache on the right side of my head. I have also not been able to comprehend anything I have read. The most I have been able to read before having the pain occur was 4 pages...that is, until yesterday.
I took some headache medicine, put my heat wrap around my neck and settled in with the book (by my favorite author, J. Picoult). I bought it shortly before the accident and it has been taunting me for 4 months to read it.
I read....(wait for it)............ FORTY-NINE pages before the headache happened! You read that correctly...49...4-9...which is 12 times more than I have been able to read in months! AND I comprehended what I read instead of having to re-read the same page multiple times.
It was like finding water when you are parched with thirst....or finding money in a coat pocket that you forgot was there....or seeing an old friend after months apart....you get the idea. It was FANTASTIC!
Now, granted, it was an interesting and easy read for me so I am still not quite sure that I could read and comprehend that many pages of something academic. But it is DEFINITELY a HUGE milestone for me! And today, I FINISHED the book! (385 pages, baby!)
I have decided that my rice heat wrap is an essential part of my life now. So much so, that I bought some fabric last week so that I can make some to take to work with me when I go back next month. The fabric I chose has puzzle pieces on it. I thought that was fitting as I put the pieces of my life back together...and figure out which ones will still be missing.
In other news, I go to the neuro tomorrow. I haven't been in a month so we shall see how together my body is. I have not been feeling all that great the past week or so, but I have been dealing with it because in real life you sometimes just have to deal. Plus, I need to know how I am feeling without the appts because once work starts up again I won't be able to go every week (even monthly will be a stretch). Which is one of many reasons that I am still hoping to make a change in the next year to work closer to home/doctors ..but that is a subject for another day!
"Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers." ~Charles W. Eliot
Yesterday, I decided to take the plunge and try to read a book. Since the accident, I have been unable to read without having a splitting headache on the right side of my head. I have also not been able to comprehend anything I have read. The most I have been able to read before having the pain occur was 4 pages...that is, until yesterday.
I took some headache medicine, put my heat wrap around my neck and settled in with the book (by my favorite author, J. Picoult). I bought it shortly before the accident and it has been taunting me for 4 months to read it.
I read....(wait for it)............ FORTY-NINE pages before the headache happened! You read that correctly...49...4-9...which is 12 times more than I have been able to read in months! AND I comprehended what I read instead of having to re-read the same page multiple times.
It was like finding water when you are parched with thirst....or finding money in a coat pocket that you forgot was there....or seeing an old friend after months apart....you get the idea. It was FANTASTIC!
Now, granted, it was an interesting and easy read for me so I am still not quite sure that I could read and comprehend that many pages of something academic. But it is DEFINITELY a HUGE milestone for me! And today, I FINISHED the book! (385 pages, baby!)
I have decided that my rice heat wrap is an essential part of my life now. So much so, that I bought some fabric last week so that I can make some to take to work with me when I go back next month. The fabric I chose has puzzle pieces on it. I thought that was fitting as I put the pieces of my life back together...and figure out which ones will still be missing.
In other news, I go to the neuro tomorrow. I haven't been in a month so we shall see how together my body is. I have not been feeling all that great the past week or so, but I have been dealing with it because in real life you sometimes just have to deal. Plus, I need to know how I am feeling without the appts because once work starts up again I won't be able to go every week (even monthly will be a stretch). Which is one of many reasons that I am still hoping to make a change in the next year to work closer to home/doctors ..but that is a subject for another day!
"Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers." ~Charles W. Eliot
Thursday, July 5, 2012
"It's been awhile..."
It's been awhile since my last post and some milestones have occurred. For one thing, at my last appointment with the neurologist, I was told that I couild wait a MONTH before coming back! It was like graduating! I was also told that I was "almost there" and to "do everything" so that we could see if there was anything that is still difficult for me. Of course, almost there means that I will likely always have this pain in my neck and upper body. But I guess that is just the new normal for me. Needless to say, I was very excited by the idea of being able to go one month without an appointment.
Fast forward to this week....
As part of doing everything, I practiced driving out of necessity. I had been saying that in July I would drive, and lo and behold on July 1 that is exactly what I did. My furbaby was in the emergency vet most of the day on the 1st for not eating, not drinking, vomiting and diarrhea. When we got her home that night, I discovered that we need some foods for her to eat on her bland diet. No one was available to drive me, so I ventured to the grocery store in MY car (I have been practicing around my parent's neighborhood in their cars). The grocery store is right down the street and it was later in the day so there was not much traffic. I felt like I might have a heart attack, but I did it!
The next day proved to be even more trying. I needed to get some treats for her to take her medicine with so I had to go up to the congested shopping mall. I kid you not, I had been driving not even 10 minutes again in my car when some woman in a Mercedes CUT ME OFF and came quite close to hitting the front end of my car! Ugh! I avoided her but was NOT pleased.
But the real trial came later in the afternoon. My furbaby had a follow-up appointment with her regular, amazing, awesome vet up in our County. No one was able to take us because they had appointments of their own. So I HAD to DRIVE in MY car ALL the way to the vet, which INCLUDES driving by where my accident was. Only for my furbaby would I do this! I don't think I breathed most of the way there, but we made it without too much freaking out.
However, since those driving excursions. my neck and shoulders have regressed and feel incredibly painful. I really don't want to go back to the neuro until my appointment so I am trying to do what I can to alleviate the pain. If it isn't better by next week, I will give in and change the appointment to sooner. It's disheartening b/c I was really thinking that I was able to drive again and was building up my confidence. But luckily I have a few more weeks to practice and build up my confidence (and stamina) again before I have to drive on a daily basis.
Fast forward to this week....
As part of doing everything, I practiced driving out of necessity. I had been saying that in July I would drive, and lo and behold on July 1 that is exactly what I did. My furbaby was in the emergency vet most of the day on the 1st for not eating, not drinking, vomiting and diarrhea. When we got her home that night, I discovered that we need some foods for her to eat on her bland diet. No one was available to drive me, so I ventured to the grocery store in MY car (I have been practicing around my parent's neighborhood in their cars). The grocery store is right down the street and it was later in the day so there was not much traffic. I felt like I might have a heart attack, but I did it!
The next day proved to be even more trying. I needed to get some treats for her to take her medicine with so I had to go up to the congested shopping mall. I kid you not, I had been driving not even 10 minutes again in my car when some woman in a Mercedes CUT ME OFF and came quite close to hitting the front end of my car! Ugh! I avoided her but was NOT pleased.
But the real trial came later in the afternoon. My furbaby had a follow-up appointment with her regular, amazing, awesome vet up in our County. No one was able to take us because they had appointments of their own. So I HAD to DRIVE in MY car ALL the way to the vet, which INCLUDES driving by where my accident was. Only for my furbaby would I do this! I don't think I breathed most of the way there, but we made it without too much freaking out.
However, since those driving excursions. my neck and shoulders have regressed and feel incredibly painful. I really don't want to go back to the neuro until my appointment so I am trying to do what I can to alleviate the pain. If it isn't better by next week, I will give in and change the appointment to sooner. It's disheartening b/c I was really thinking that I was able to drive again and was building up my confidence. But luckily I have a few more weeks to practice and build up my confidence (and stamina) again before I have to drive on a daily basis.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
"Never be afraid to fall apart because..."
"it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along." ~R.S.
Yesterday, I ventured over to the corner of the living room that had the former contents of my trunk. I stare at it on a daily basis but have avoided going over there for as long as possible. When looking in the crate that holds my emergency car supplies, I found the lunch that I had made on the day of the accident (gross! Probably going to have to recycle the container). Down in the middle of the crate, I found a red piece of plastic. It was a symbolic piece of plastic because it was formerly part of my car's right rear tail light. It must have flown into the trunk and landed in the car on impact. I stared at it for awhile and had a few flashbacks of that day. Then I decided what to do with it. The next time that I am at the craft store, I am going to buy a shadowbox for that piece of plastic and frame it with a meaningful quote. It will serve as a reminder that life doesn't always turn out the way I plan, to take things one day at a time and to treasure each moment that I have...even the bad ones.
"Life has many ways of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once." ~P.C.
Yesterday, I ventured over to the corner of the living room that had the former contents of my trunk. I stare at it on a daily basis but have avoided going over there for as long as possible. When looking in the crate that holds my emergency car supplies, I found the lunch that I had made on the day of the accident (gross! Probably going to have to recycle the container). Down in the middle of the crate, I found a red piece of plastic. It was a symbolic piece of plastic because it was formerly part of my car's right rear tail light. It must have flown into the trunk and landed in the car on impact. I stared at it for awhile and had a few flashbacks of that day. Then I decided what to do with it. The next time that I am at the craft store, I am going to buy a shadowbox for that piece of plastic and frame it with a meaningful quote. It will serve as a reminder that life doesn't always turn out the way I plan, to take things one day at a time and to treasure each moment that I have...even the bad ones.
"Life has many ways of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once." ~P.C.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
"Just because this isn't in your Life Plan doesn't mean this isn't exactly where you are supposed to be." ~A23
I haven't posted in awhile because I just haven't felt up to typing lately and couldn't get my thoughts cohesive enough to post.
Some days it amazes me how much someone else's decison can impact your life in a split second. I've always been told when walking out the door to "be careful." But I have learned that it doesn't matter how careful you are, sometimes someone else NOT being careful can turn your life upside down.
I have ALWAYS been a planner, since I was just a little girl. For me, it has always worked best to have a goal to work towards and to stick to it until I have reached that goal. Bachelor's degree, Master's degree, occupation-specific certifications, marriage, child(ren), etc. I have an idea in my head of what I want to do with my life and I work until I reach my goals.
But what I have learned from this car accident is that all the planning in the world can be completely irrelevant in just an instant. I loved the Life Plan that I had made for myself but now I have to re-group. And what I am finding is that I want to enjoy each day more and plan less. But my status quo is to plan.
But I want to practice mindfulness, enjoy the moments as they happen and take life one day at a time because I know that this moment is all we really have. It's a constant internal struggle for me- wanting to plan but also wanting to go with the flow. I know that if I were to take things one day at a time that I would worry less and enjoy life more because I would be making more memories in the moment and less plans for future potential memories. I would also have less conflict over my decisions (I tend to make a Pro/Con list for everything and then second guess my decisions). It's like I am always waiting for my life to start, for it to be what I envision it to be. But this isn't a dress rehearsal. And you don't get a do-over.
My New Year's Resolution was actually to take life one day at a time,go with the flow and not be a planner anymore. But I was secretly still planning what I wanted to accomplish and do this year. And in a way, I see my accident as being a reminder of that. It may sound far-fetched to others but to me I see my accident as a wake-up call to me. It was as though my past literally gave me a slap in the face to start making changes to my life more in keeping with my New Year's Resolution. I say that because the vehicle that hit me was a make and model that I had always dreamed of having but never got. I was hit on the way to work going in a literal direction that was the opposite of where I really want to be. And the literal impact had a physical and emotional impact on my life that erased all of the plans I had scheduled for the past few months. Does it sound weird and unlikely? Yes. Was it just a random accident caused by someone else's actions? Possibly. But does it make perfect sense to me? Absolutely.
I have also learned quite a bit about who my true friends are...but that will be another post.
So now I find myself at a crossroads. And while my instinct is to make a new map for the course I want to set for myself (i.e. re-group and re-do my plans), a greater part of my wants to just throw caution to the wind and see what happens. I really hope I can do that because planning often makes me feel very overwhelmed. I'd say I could make taking one day at a time my summer goal, but that would kind of defeat the purpose. ;)
"What's meant to be will always find a way." ~T.Y.
Some days it amazes me how much someone else's decison can impact your life in a split second. I've always been told when walking out the door to "be careful." But I have learned that it doesn't matter how careful you are, sometimes someone else NOT being careful can turn your life upside down.
I have ALWAYS been a planner, since I was just a little girl. For me, it has always worked best to have a goal to work towards and to stick to it until I have reached that goal. Bachelor's degree, Master's degree, occupation-specific certifications, marriage, child(ren), etc. I have an idea in my head of what I want to do with my life and I work until I reach my goals.
But what I have learned from this car accident is that all the planning in the world can be completely irrelevant in just an instant. I loved the Life Plan that I had made for myself but now I have to re-group. And what I am finding is that I want to enjoy each day more and plan less. But my status quo is to plan.
But I want to practice mindfulness, enjoy the moments as they happen and take life one day at a time because I know that this moment is all we really have. It's a constant internal struggle for me- wanting to plan but also wanting to go with the flow. I know that if I were to take things one day at a time that I would worry less and enjoy life more because I would be making more memories in the moment and less plans for future potential memories. I would also have less conflict over my decisions (I tend to make a Pro/Con list for everything and then second guess my decisions). It's like I am always waiting for my life to start, for it to be what I envision it to be. But this isn't a dress rehearsal. And you don't get a do-over.
My New Year's Resolution was actually to take life one day at a time,go with the flow and not be a planner anymore. But I was secretly still planning what I wanted to accomplish and do this year. And in a way, I see my accident as being a reminder of that. It may sound far-fetched to others but to me I see my accident as a wake-up call to me. It was as though my past literally gave me a slap in the face to start making changes to my life more in keeping with my New Year's Resolution. I say that because the vehicle that hit me was a make and model that I had always dreamed of having but never got. I was hit on the way to work going in a literal direction that was the opposite of where I really want to be. And the literal impact had a physical and emotional impact on my life that erased all of the plans I had scheduled for the past few months. Does it sound weird and unlikely? Yes. Was it just a random accident caused by someone else's actions? Possibly. But does it make perfect sense to me? Absolutely.
I have also learned quite a bit about who my true friends are...but that will be another post.
So now I find myself at a crossroads. And while my instinct is to make a new map for the course I want to set for myself (i.e. re-group and re-do my plans), a greater part of my wants to just throw caution to the wind and see what happens. I really hope I can do that because planning often makes me feel very overwhelmed. I'd say I could make taking one day at a time my summer goal, but that would kind of defeat the purpose. ;)
"What's meant to be will always find a way." ~T.Y.
Friday, June 1, 2012
"Lost time is never found again." ~BF
June 1st...three months to the day since my accident. Ironically, our doorbell rang this morning around 7:42 which is around the time that I was hit three months ago (they had the wrong address). Further irony is the song that was on the radio at the time of my accident three months ago ("It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright sunshine-y day"...BOOM!) Sadly, there hasn't been much sunshine since then.
I went to the neuro yesterday and my shoulders and upper back felt better after I left, at least for a little while. My neuro apologized yesterday for my recovery taking so long but reminded me "you were hit HARD!" I'm still on a weekly visit schedule so we shall see what next week brings. Hopefully now that it has been 3 months things will progress more. Here's hoping! I really don't want an entire summer of not being able to do anything. Choosing to not do anything is one thing but HAVING to not do anything is something entirely different.
My mom took me to my appointment yesterday and on the way home we stopped to fill the car up with gas. Her car was in the shop so she was driving my grandfather's car. It was very nostalgic and sad to ride in it because to me it still smells like him inside. I had to look at the manual for some info on the type of gas to put in it and inside the glove compartment were several toothpicks. It reminded me of how my grandfather was never without a toothpick. We stopped at the gas station across from my old elementary school, which added to the nostalgia. It reminded me of how much I would love to work at that particular school. I have so many childhood memories there and would love to give back to the students who are there now. I am seriously going to contact the person in charge of my particular department for that county to ask them to let me know if an opening ever becomes available there.
You just never know...
I can't think of anything else to type so that's all for now!
I went to the neuro yesterday and my shoulders and upper back felt better after I left, at least for a little while. My neuro apologized yesterday for my recovery taking so long but reminded me "you were hit HARD!" I'm still on a weekly visit schedule so we shall see what next week brings. Hopefully now that it has been 3 months things will progress more. Here's hoping! I really don't want an entire summer of not being able to do anything. Choosing to not do anything is one thing but HAVING to not do anything is something entirely different.
My mom took me to my appointment yesterday and on the way home we stopped to fill the car up with gas. Her car was in the shop so she was driving my grandfather's car. It was very nostalgic and sad to ride in it because to me it still smells like him inside. I had to look at the manual for some info on the type of gas to put in it and inside the glove compartment were several toothpicks. It reminded me of how my grandfather was never without a toothpick. We stopped at the gas station across from my old elementary school, which added to the nostalgia. It reminded me of how much I would love to work at that particular school. I have so many childhood memories there and would love to give back to the students who are there now. I am seriously going to contact the person in charge of my particular department for that county to ask them to let me know if an opening ever becomes available there.
You just never know...
I can't think of anything else to type so that's all for now!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
"Mama said there'd be days like this"
Today is not a good day, pain wise. I woke up with the usual head/neck pain but added to that was extreme upper back pain across my shoulders and across my collarbone. Luckily, I have my weekly neuro appt tomorrow which will hopefully alleviate some of the pain. I was REALLY hoping to be able to start going every other week but my body reminded me today that I am not there yet.
For today all I have is heat..and Advil that doesn't do anything for the pain. You would think after almost 3 months that the muscles wouldn't hurt as badly but they do (some spots hurt just to touch). I have learned that muscles are very complex things and that many of them are in spots you wouldn't think they would be or go deeper than you would think they would. I took Advil when my husband left for work and then just lay in bed for 3 more hours b/c it hurt too much to move. I did some of my PT exercises but they didn't do much good, either.
Thankfully my parents came up early for Codee's appointment and my mom stayed with me and helped to get some laundry done. I can fold it just fine but I can't get the stuff out of the washer or dryer very well because it hurts to bend and makes me off balance to try to reach into them. I was also able to load and run the dishwasher b/c my sweet husband left a chair next to the sink/dishwasher for me to sit in. I loathe dirty dishes but it was actually nice to have some sense of normalcy (I'm sure this will wear off as I continue to improve).
Now it's back to lying on my heated rice therapy bag.
P.S. Codee had a good report from her appointment...her BG (sugar) levels seem to have gone down more on the new insulin dosage than at her last appointment. Hopefully that trend will continue so that she can be regulated again!
For today all I have is heat..and Advil that doesn't do anything for the pain. You would think after almost 3 months that the muscles wouldn't hurt as badly but they do (some spots hurt just to touch). I have learned that muscles are very complex things and that many of them are in spots you wouldn't think they would be or go deeper than you would think they would. I took Advil when my husband left for work and then just lay in bed for 3 more hours b/c it hurt too much to move. I did some of my PT exercises but they didn't do much good, either.
Thankfully my parents came up early for Codee's appointment and my mom stayed with me and helped to get some laundry done. I can fold it just fine but I can't get the stuff out of the washer or dryer very well because it hurts to bend and makes me off balance to try to reach into them. I was also able to load and run the dishwasher b/c my sweet husband left a chair next to the sink/dishwasher for me to sit in. I loathe dirty dishes but it was actually nice to have some sense of normalcy (I'm sure this will wear off as I continue to improve).
Now it's back to lying on my heated rice therapy bag.
P.S. Codee had a good report from her appointment...her BG (sugar) levels seem to have gone down more on the new insulin dosage than at her last appointment. Hopefully that trend will continue so that she can be regulated again!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
"Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans." ~JL
And plans I had, especially in the month of March! So before I can focus on the positive, I have to grieve the losses of the negative impacts that resulted from the accident. Here's the laundry list of my life that I missed out on:
I'll focus on the silver lining (positives) in a different post. For now, it's back to the ice pack on my head/neck.
- Missed out on seeing the Broadway version of The Lion King (would have been my first Broadway performance; the silver lining was that my husband and MIL bought me probably every souvenir they sold)
- Was unable to perform my Matron of Honor duties at the wedding of one of my best friends (this one probably hurts the most because I can never get that back)
- Missed out on the 50th Anniversary Conference for the organization that I am on the Board (will be on the Board again next year but won't be the 50th anniversary)
- Missed out on 2 different presentations that I was supposed to give (one at a girl's day for building self-esteem, the other for parents about bullying prevention)
- Missed out on the Lynyrd Skynyrd concert (A tradition for me; hopefully they will come back again next year)
- Missed 3+ months of work and won't get to tell the 5th graders good-bye
- Docked 3 months worth of paychecks (hopefully litigation can get that back)
- Still unable to drive (although my car looks good as new now)
I'll focus on the silver lining (positives) in a different post. For now, it's back to the ice pack on my head/neck.
Monday, May 28, 2012
"I wonder, How it's going to be"
Three months ago, my Life Plan went out the window when I was injured in a car accident. This blog is going to be a way for me to get down all of the thoughts and reflections that I have had post accident.
They probably won't be long posts since it still hurts my head to focus and they won't be daily b/c it will depend on how I am feeling. I am hoping that this will help me to get back to being myself...or the post-accident version of myself since I have had my eyes opened to quite a bit in the past few months.
The title of this blog is something that my great-uncle told me years ago when he was battling cancer and I made cards for him. He told me that I was the Moonbeam after the Storm (and now my middle name is Moonbeam). Fortunately, my storm (car accident) was not as serious as cancer...but it was a life changing experience for sure. I'm hoping that blogging will help me to tap in to the positive things that came out of it.
"Life's a journey, not a destination."
They probably won't be long posts since it still hurts my head to focus and they won't be daily b/c it will depend on how I am feeling. I am hoping that this will help me to get back to being myself...or the post-accident version of myself since I have had my eyes opened to quite a bit in the past few months.
The title of this blog is something that my great-uncle told me years ago when he was battling cancer and I made cards for him. He told me that I was the Moonbeam after the Storm (and now my middle name is Moonbeam). Fortunately, my storm (car accident) was not as serious as cancer...but it was a life changing experience for sure. I'm hoping that blogging will help me to tap in to the positive things that came out of it.
"Life's a journey, not a destination."
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